Wrinkle in time

Mandatory techno-babble disclaimer: Recently, for a brief interval, a small wormhole appeared in my writing studio, and I witnessed one dimension’s version of what in this time bubble will be tomorrow’s Q&A with Mr. Game Director Hazzikostas. Unfortunately, the powerful forces of dark matter interwoven with the non-Euclidean spacetime continuum closed before I could write down everything. I hate it when that happens!

Lore. Hello, everyone, and welcome to our Q&A session with Ion Hazzikostas, Game Director for World of Warcraft. Ion, thanks for taking the time to be with us today.

Ion. Sure, I love doing this! (*moves aside, warily looking up to see if lightning bolt is imminent*)

Lore. Okay, let’s get to our first question, drawn totally at random from the thousands we received via the forum and twitter. This one is from Kisstush who asks, “Can you please give us 3 reasons why Battle for Azeroth will be the absolute best expansion ever?” I might add, this was a very popular question!

Ion. Well, I am really glad that one came up, because I just happen to have *garbled*

at this point the wormhole wavered a bit and I lost the thread, but honestly no one wanted to hear that canned answer anyway. Transmission restored itself after what seems to have been a 20-minute gap (time estimate adjusted for non-Euclidean etc….)

Lore. Okay, great. Our second question — another really popular one — comes from Nerdbore: “Could you explain how the BfA story fits in with the Old Gods, Betrayal of Sargeras leading to the Sundering and The Emerald Dream, Hogger, Arathor’s wars on the trolls, the Dark Portal opening, Pepe, the rift of Draenor, rediscovery of the Pandaren, Sylvanas, the Rise of RNG, Anduin, Deathwing, Li-Li, and space ships to Argus? I think I understand it all except the Argus part.”

Ion. Horde kill Alliance. Alliance kill Horde. Seems clear enough. Next question?

Lore. This is from Wrxtfglmzq — I apologize if I didn’t pronounce that right — who asks, “Please tell us how AWESOME PvP will be in BfA and why everyone should just love it to pieces.”

Ion. (Another garbled transmission.) I love all the excitement about PvP! So, we tried …. champion status …. nerf every PvE ability to compensate … ladders … War Mode …. PvP big bonus for leveling … players who don’t do PvP are wusses … PvP is great and you WILL love it … Special gear …. RNG feels bad for PvP gear …. tokens …. of course no one will gank you … fun! … fun! … fun!

(estimated 20 minutes later)

Lore. Awesome! I have always loved PvP! And so will everyone now! I remember one time I was in a battleground and (ok this part was not garbled, but it was so freaking boring I tuned out).

(10 minutes later, when stupid anecdote finally ended)

Ion. Ha ha. Great story!

Lore. Yeah, good times. Moving on, this question is from Fashunhead. “Please give us a hint about what new Allied races we will see, and what their hair and ears and noses will look like and will they have to-die-for armor.”

Ion. We are really pleased with the response so far to Allied races, and we actually see them as a terrific money-maker and player time sink (I was getting some weird interdimensional skips here, apparently from the truth-telling dimension) great game feature going forward. Our plan is to make leveling them even more tedious and boring engaging, make racial armor much more difficult to get race-specific, and offer additional expensive cosmetic changes through the Blizzard store. Yes, dressing up our dollies is a really fun feature of the game, unlike that sissy idea of player housing!

Lore. Well, gosh, the time really has flown by. I think we only have time for one more quick question. This is from Srsplaya. “What is your plan going forward for balancing classes? How much adjustment will we see for each class before BfA goes live?”

Ion. Wow, yeah, great question. Let me say this about it. We are committed to garbled garbled garbled class fantasy garbled garbled tanks in PvP garbled garbled unique garbled hunters in a good place garbled static.

Lore. That’s all the time we have for today, I hope you have all enjoyed our Q&A – some terrific questions! Until next time. (Fade to black.)

Ion. (Off camera) WTF, man, how did you let that class balance question through?

At this point the wormhole seemed to close completely. I guess tomorrow we will see if it was a view into our own dimension or one of the infinite others.

About Fiannor
I have a day job but escape by playing WoW. I love playing a hunter, and my Lake Wobegonian goal is to become "above average" at it.

3 Responses to Wrinkle in time

  1. Marathal says:

    Thank you so much for that. I am dying

  2. Alunaria says:

    Loooool, great show! Thank you 😀

  3. Haha, very clever; I am so smiling!

%d bloggers like this: